


Sleep, and When You Wake, I Will Still Be Here

by brumalbreeze



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 03:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1413415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brumalbreeze/pseuds/brumalbreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Rei/Nagisa/Rei drabbles which may or may not be connected with each other. Ratings and genres will also vary wildly. Reading this is kind of like playing Russian Roulette, so please be careful in general.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/81665992620/sleep-chapter-1-rei-nagisa-nsfw) and [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/1/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here).

**001\. Rockhopper Constellation**

When he walked into the room, it was dark and cold and there was a very visible lump in the middle of the bed. In the silence, the sound of slow, even breathing could be heard.

Rei went over to the side of the bed, lifted one of the crumpled corners of the blankets, and yanked. As expected, the lump in the bed had expertly hoarded and entwined its many arms and legs into the sheets until they were almost impossible to pull apart. It was with a firm jerk and some fluffing out before the blankets loosened and he was able to slip under them. He took off his glasses and placed them gently on the bedside table before ducking beneath the stuffy darkness of the comforter.

With an open palm, Rei patted his way toward the dead center of the bed until his fingertips touched bare skin. He quickly confirmed that it was the exposed gap between pajama pants and shirt that he was feeling. He smiled faintly and tugged the shirt back down before shimmying closer to the curled form.

Rei inhaled deeply as he pressed himself against the warm body in front of him, shivering in quiet delight as he felt the other person groggily straighten out in order to increase the surface contact between them. Rei was sure he wasn’t even awake yet. Even so, he had nothing to complain about. The way a tangle of limbs uncurled and reached back to trap him and the manner in which his arms were pulled forward to settle on a firm waist was wonderful.

It wasn’t until his chest was flushed with an arching back and his chin bumped against the crown of a very messy bedhead that his partner finally woke up from his slumber.

He drew in a deep breath as he came into consciousness again.

“… Rei-chan?”

The fond smile in his voice was far from subtle when he answered. “Good evening, Nagisa-kun.”

“You’re home,” the shorter man’s gritty voice mumbled.

“Yes,” Rei said. “I’m home.”

Nagisa yawned before responding. “Welcome home.”

He stretched again before shuffling back to feel more of Rei against him.

“What time’s it?” he asked while softly nuzzling the top of his head against Rei’s jaw.

Rei laughed gently and squeezed his arms a little tighter. “Time to sleep.”

“Mmn.” The golden-haired man was silent and still. His breathing evened out again, and Rei thought he had fallen asleep once more.

However, in the next second, the shorter man had unraveled all their miscellaneous limbs from each other and rolled over, only to rewrap every part of them together again. This time, it was Nagisa’s forehead which bumped up against Rei’s nose, lips, and chin, and Nagisa’s fingers which greedily slipped up Rei’s pajama shirt for more warmth. The taller man squirmed out of slight ticklishness until their chests and thighs were flushed.

“Missed you,” Nagisa mumbled as he tilted his head back to slowly press his lips on the underside of Rei’s jaw.

Rei turned his head to give Nagisa more space and slowly ran his fingers up and down the shorter man’s back. “It’s only been a day, Nagisa-kun,” he teased lightly.

In retaliation, Nagisa’s legs and arms wrapped around him even more tightly. He licked Rei’s skin softly. “Missed you,” he muttered again and followed with a sharp nip.

He laughed softly and ignored the pinch of pain. Rei pushed his head down until he could press his nose against the junction between Nagisa’s neck and shoulder. As he inhaled the clean smell of soap and shampoo from the blond, he curled in his body until there was almost no distance left between them. It was warm.

Somewhere against his chest and shoulder, Nagisa hummed happily and scratched pleasantly at his back.

“I missed you too. Good night, Nagisa-kun.”

The shorter man sighed. “G’night, Rei-chan….”

 

* * *

 

**002\. Electricity**

“Fine! Honestly, if you hate it so much, then just leave and see if I care!”

The silence which followed afterward was loud enough to make both of their ears ring.

Rei and Nagisa’s faces were flushed red and their breathing was harsh. The air between them was charged with anger as they glared at each other with tense shoulders and clenched fists.

When Nagisa spoke again, his voice was low and calm, alarmingly cold for how violently hot it was only split seconds earlier. “And, for your information, _Rei-chan_ ,” he sneered, using the term of affection in such a way that it sounded like he was spitting out tar, “I don’t.”

With that, he turned around and stormed back into their apartment. The bedroom door slammed with a thunderous bang that shook the walls, leaving Rei standing alone in the small kitchen.

That night, Nagisa screamed and cried under the blankets until he fell into a restless sleep and Rei stayed up all night, tearing all the paper napkins they had into strips with shaking hands.

 

* * *

 

**003\. The Breaths between Us**

“Ah—mmn….”

A large hand smoothed up his bare stomach and chest before moving down. Nagisa arched his back and bit his lower lip as the dry friction contrasted against the much wetter one inside him. He kept forgetting to breathe, so every breath he took was shuddery and harsh.

Rei’s other hand traced the shaking line of his inner thigh as he rolled his hips up and forward slowly.

“Feel good?” the taller man asked quietly as he lined his partner’s neck and shoulder with kisses from behind.

Nagisa laughed airily and groaned softly as his cock twitched. “Of course,” he replied while grinding down and squeezing sensually around Rei’s erection. He reached back until his fingers found Rei’s hair. With some gentle pulling, he was able to coax Rei to look up and kiss him.

Their lips moved against each other wetly as they continued thrusting and grinding slowly, the only sounds in the room consisted of thin gasps, wet slapping, and skin rubbing up against skin. Nagisa sucked on Rei’s lower lip and accidentally bit down when the taller man wrapped his hand around his hard length.

“Ah—! Mmn, s-sorry,” he mumbled absently. He leaned his head back and messily nuzzled Rei in apology.

Rei kissed the space between his ear and cheek and traced the tip of his nose against his skin there. “It’s okay,” he replied. He pushed himself a little deeper into Nagisa again and started moving his hand.

The blond hummed and opened himself up more to the pleasure.

Rei’s hand went up and down on him languidly with a firm and tight hold. Once in a while, he teased at the slit at the head of his cock with his thumb and squeezed but still kept everything slow.

Nagisa’s eyes clouded over as Rei teased him. The blunt of Rei’s cock constantly pressed up against his prostate too, so the pleasure mounted up at an agonizingly slow and sweet pace.

The heat in him gathered and burned, throbbing in his head, chest, hole, and cock before dripping out in thick, heavy drops on Rei’s long fingers.

“S’good, Rei-chan,” he groaned and sighed, loving the way Rei was pampering him. Slowly, he squeezed down. “Wanna cum….”

Rei showed his understanding by humming and shifting a little. After getting into a better position, he began to move his hips faster and in small, quick jerks. His hand started to abuse the tip of Nagisa’s cock more.

Even more precum dribbled out in response, and Nagisa’s breathing quickened. The tightness in him became more urgent, and the throbbing in his body increased.

Rei was reading every one of his reactions expertly, having memorized everything years back. He could tell exactly how close Nagisa was and what he wanted next. Nagisa knew it was only a matter of how much Rei wanted to tease him and deny him orgasm.

Much to Nagisa’s pleasure—though either way, it would have been pleasurable—Rei was kind tonight. His cock kept hitting his prostate and his hand was sure and smooth on his erection. Within another few minutes, Nagisa was approaching his peak.

Nagisa’s breaths had become feather-light and soft as he let Rei push in and out of him countless times. His cock started to twitch violently as he became more excited.

“Rei-chan,” he called out breathlessly, “’m gonna cum….”

The taller man angled their faces together for another kiss and mumbled something between their wet lips. “It’s okay,” he said, “don’t hold back.”

With that and another few strokes from Rei’s calloused hand, Nagisa stiffened and let out a low groan. His body shook as Rei continued to thrust into him and milked his cock dry. Warm spurts of cum spilled from his slit thickly and landed everywhere. White pleasure rolled over him in strong waves, and it felt like forever until he had finally stopped jerking and twitching in Rei’s dirtied hand.

Rei barely let him catch his breath before kissing him and swallowing the rest of his moans.

“You came everywhere again,” the taller man said after they parted for a second.

Nagisa headbutted him gently on the side of the face. “Can’t help it. We’ve been going at it for so long.”

Then he leaned forward and lifted himself up on uneasy hands and knees until Rei’s still-hard cock slid out of him. He missed the warmth against his back immediately but pushed the feeling aside.

Nagisa turned around and ducked his head between Rei’s spread and bent legs. With hasty fingers, he unrolled the condom from Rei’s cock and took his length into his mouth greedily.

“Mmn—Nagisa-kun….”

He felt warm fingers dig into his hair. Nagisa kept licking at Rei’s slit and pressing the tip against the sides of his cheeks, moaning and swallowing the whole time. He sank down on the thick length until it pressed to the back of his throat and began to go up and down on him repeatedly.

Nagisa sucked on Rei until the taller man’s breathing became thin and urgent, his fingers dug harder into his scalp, and hot, thick cum spurted onto his tongue. Rei moaned gutturally as his cock twitched deep in his mouth.

He swallowed it all but left just enough on his tongue for Rei to smear across his cheek with his thumb when he grinned at him from between his legs.

 

* * *

 

**004\. Even if You Forget**

“I dreamt of the snow last night,” he said in a level voice.

In his hands was a warm ceramic mug the color of coffee with too much milk and a sprinkle of sugar. It was filled with something he couldn’t remember pouring. It was hot, at the very least, and was probably tea and definitely not coffee.

Outside, it was mildly chilly but the weather was clear. There was no sign of snow, but everything in the world seemed to be waiting for it. A crisp wind passed by the tree outside and rattled its branches.

“I was wondering,” he continued on while thoughtfully raising the cup to his lips, “just a little, you know….”

The surface of the mystery liquid rippled as he blew over it to cool it down. His words paused momentarily. Carefully, he took a sip and burned his tongue.

“Barley tea,” he muttered with a smile and remembered.

He drank some more and curled his tongue as he accidentally burned it some more. It wouldn’t be until tomorrow that he could feel it again, he knew.

After a second, he gave up and replaced the mug on the table. The tea whirled around restlessly at the sudden movement. He lost himself in thought but snapped out of it. Quietly, he raised his eyes from the swirling liquid and looked across from him.

“How happy would you be if you were still here, I wondered?”

He closed his eyes and tilted his head to one side to smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with [fanart](http://thecojsz.tumblr.com/post/81779053370/the-day-i-dont-start-sobbing-at-drabble-004-will)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/82297408221/sleep-chapter-2-rei-nagisa) and [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/2/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here).

**005\. Exuent Left**

Sometimes in life, you will meet people who will make you think something along the lines of, “This person would definitely make a good mother or father.”

Maybe it’s because of their kindness or their ability to diffuse situations quickly and fairly. Sometimes it’s because of how capable they are of handling themselves and others. Oftentimes, it’s just an aura that you feel whenever you’re with them.

You can watch them sometimes, as they walk around humming to themselves or smiling gently as they go about their daily activities. They might be writing a note, organizing a room, or maybe just listening to others as they converse but it’s easy to tell that they are perfect parenting material.

Somewhere, deep in your heart, you’re putting down your money and betting that they’ll have at least two children when they get older.

I knew someone like that back in high school. He was one year my senior, and his name was Tachibana Makoto.

It might have been because he had siblings who were many years younger than him that he learned how to deal with children, but I have a feeling that he had always been that kind of person. Back then, he was the captain to our school’s swim team and an older brother figure to us all.

As for myself, I am the younger brother of two, so, if anything, I suppose it was me who was on the receiving end of being parented and watched over all the time. The closest thing I ever got to being a “parent” was, again, back in high school, when I first met my best friend, Hazuki Nagisa.

Despite being four months older than me (it was a big thing back then to him, and he would never let it go; I’m not sure how big a deal it is anymore), he still acted more like a child than anything. That’s not to say that he wasn’t capable of being mature when the situation called for it, but Nagisa-kun always had a knack for getting into all sorts of situations. Unfortunately, I was often dragged into those schemes of his as well.

In any case, I was in charge of watching after Nagisa-kun a lot of the times, even if I technically didn’t have to. If he managed to survive for fifteen years before my meeting him, then I reckon he would have been alright without me pulling him from running into on-coming traffic all the time. But it was hard not to always worry about him.

In fact, I still do, and he’s twenty-four now.

Sometimes in life, you meet people of whom you will immediately think, “They will definitely be a good mother or father.”

Right now, as I stand in the middle of a room with a large, stuffed rabbit in one hand and a half-empty juice carton in the other, a sobbing child clinging onto one of my legs while the other steps into a puddle of milk that is slowly seeping into the sole of my slipper, and crooked glasses that threatens to fall off my face, I am one hundred percent sure that I am not that person you will meet in life.

“Rei-chan!” Nagisa-kun—my fellow co-worker and the perpetual bane of my existence—calls out to me from the play area, where two children chase each other with model airplanes and dinosaurs. “Hurry up and come over real quick? Sa-chan got clay in her hair again!”

Without making any further calculations or conjectures, I am absolutely positive—

“Reeei-chan!”

—that I am not that person at all.

 

* * *

 

**006\. Surface Tension**

Although Nagisa never usually paid too closely to class on a regular day, he was finding it particularly difficult today. His face kept flushing, and he simply couldn’t wipe the grin off his face properly. Every time he thought he was alright, he start smiling widely again.

He hoped the teacher didn’t notice how he kept pressing his palms against his cheeks and his fingers to his lips in an attempt to hide, though he should have been more concerned about how pink his face and ears were.

Nagisa knew it was pretty stupid to get so worked up, but it couldn’t be helped. Sometimes, like now, he hated the fact that he had realized that he had developed an _actual_ crush on Rei, because it made him act and feel like a fool.

It was one thing to know that he was nowhere near as academically smart as Rei but another to know that he was being absolutely ridiculous.

Like at night, when he thinks about Rei and starts giggling so hard that even smothering his face into his pillow and under his blankets aren’t enough to stave off the laughter. Or when he’s spacing out and remembers something innocuously sweet that Rei said to him. The times when he recalls how warm the taller boy feels when he clings onto his arm or off his back can get terribly distracting as well.

Nagisa liked Rei’s eyes the most—the way they usually look unamused or sharp but can melt into the softest and kindest gaze he has ever seen (except maybe on Makoto, because he’s just that kind of person). He thought that they were an incredible hue too, which matched his hair perfectly. Which, now that he thought about Rei’s hair, was wonderful too.

It was unexpected, with how careful he was about looking perfect, but Rei’s hair was always in a state of organized chaos. Rei looked like he was perpetually fighting a losing battle with bed-hair, but Nagisa liked that part about him too.

If Nagisa could have, he would constantly be holding Rei’s hands, because they were so nice. They were beautiful in a way that Nagisa’s weren’t. He liked his own hands perfectly well, but Rei’s exuded a strong sense of reliability and strength. He was pretty sure Rin and Makoto’s were similar, but he still preferred Rei’s over anyone else’s.

It was probably a problem, how much he liked Rei. He liked everything about him, from his deep voice to the way he held his chopsticks, the way he muttered when he was embarrassed or acted big when he was nervous, and how passionate he got when he was excited or quiet he became when he was thinking hard. The more time he spent with Rei, the more Nagisa came to like him.

At first, he only liked Rei as much as he liked Haruka, Makoto, and Rin, but then he started being more honest with himself and the floor gave way beneath his feet.

Nagisa didn’t so much “fall in love” so much as he “plundered to his untimely death into love.”

It was definitely a problem.

He sighed as quietly as he could into his hands while remembering the small, gentle smile Rei had given him at lunch. It was kind of random, since the two of them weren’t even talking in the first place, but one minute Nagisa was trying to take another bite of his bread and the next Rei had turned to his direction slightly and just… smiled.

His heart skipped at the fresh memory.

Nagisa asked himself a million times a day whether or not Rei _might_ have liked him back too, but it was scary to think about too hard. He would have liked it if Rei returned his feelings, but he had no idea how he was supposed to go about telling him.

Aside from that, it was embarrassing, falling in love with your best friend. It was too cliché, like the manga and anime his sisters adored so much.

He rubbed his cheeks again, since they were getting kind of sore from grinning so hard. Still, he couldn’t stop it from coming back like the clingy traitor it was.

Suddenly, the entire classroom became electrified with activity. Everyone was standing up to say goodbye to the teacher. Hastily, he stood up and bowed with the rest of his classmates.

Spacing out to the point of not knowing that class had been dismissed was pretty bad. He started to shove things into his bag haphazardly, as not to be late for swim practice. Someone stopped in front of his desk, making him look up. His gaze had to travel a little higher than usual to meet the eyes of his sudden visitor.

“Rei-chan!” he exclaimed, thankfully sounding as normal and enthusiastic as he usually did when greeting his friend.

“Shall we go?” the taller boy asked with a soft smile.

Nagisa’s heart lurched again, and his face turned hot. He smiled back widely. “Yeah! Let’s go! Hey, by the way, Rei-chan, did you hear…?”

The two of them walked out of the classroom together while Nagisa continued his story and jostled his shoulder against Rei’s the entire time they walked to the locker rooms while giggling.

 

* * *

  

**007\. Suspension**

“Hey, um,” Nagisa said, his hands traveling unconsciously to the strap of his book bag. He wrung the material there and let his eyes dart to the side quickly. When his gaze returned, it didn’t quite match up with Rei’s properly. He licked his lips and swallowed, a faltering smile making its way to his lips. He doubted Rei could see it though, since he was ducking his head, but that didn’t matter.

“So I—” he tried to start again but stopped halfway. Nagisa breathed in deeply.

This was weird in a way that he couldn’t quite believe. Walking to the train station after practice was normal for the two of them, but today, he had stopped Rei and asked if they could talk. Of course, the taller boy had agreed to and quietly followed him as Nagisa walked outside.

Nagisa wasn’t quite sure how it ended up that he was leaning up against the gritty outer wall of the locker rooms with Rei in front of him, looming there like a curious bird-of-prey, but this was how things were. In the cool shadow of the building, a sense of cool surrealism kept them indefinitely suspended.

He was on the starting block, staring at the cool surface of the rippling pool water. Impact would be smooth but cold. It was always the first split-second of entering the water that comes as a shock, but there was nothing else he could do but to take a deep breath and jump.

He leapt.

“Rei-chan, I like you.”

Nagisa saw Rei stiffen up a little and hesitate. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to forget how loudly his heart was beating or how hot his face felt. His bag’s strap was mercilessly constricted to death between his tense fingers, although he was the one whose breath was running short and thin.

A touch on his shoulder made him jump and snap his eyes open.

He wasn’t exactly sure how things unfolded exactly, but suddenly, Rei’s face was in front of his and something dry and warm brushed up against his lips. The contact was gone immediately, but Nagisa was still frozen on the spot.

“I like you too, Nagisa-kun,” came Rei’s shaking and quiet voice. Then, as if he himself didn’t hear it, he said it again. “I like you too.”

Now, Nagisa’s heart beat a million times faster than he believed was possible, and his mouth was hanging open without making any noise. He tried to say something, but it came out as a strangled noise of confusion.

Suddenly, Nagisa crouched to the floor and covered his face with his hands. Rei was beside him immediately.

“Nagisa-kun? Nagisa-kun, are you okay?”

His voice was laced with concern and worry.

Nagisa curled in deeper on himself and pressed his fingers tighter to his face.

“Rei-chan!” he squeaked against his palms, cheeks itching from mortification and happiness.

There was a moment of silence, and then Rei started to laugh loudly.

Nagisa was so stunned that he dropped his hands and looked up. Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, and Rei’s hair was tickling his nose.

“Nagisa-kun, I like you,” the taller boy laughed into his hair while embracing him tightly.

Finally, he snapped out of it and threw his arms around Rei as well. He made a noise of confirmation happily. “Mmn, I like you too, Rei-chan!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/83203749762/sleep-chapter-3-rei-nagisa-nsfw) and [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/3/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here).

**008\. Tears***

Rei adjusted the strap of his backpack over his shoulder. The day was still early, and he was almost at Nagisa’s house. It was unusual that he was the one visiting, since Nagisa was the one who generally invited himself over to Rei’s place after school. However, today was special, since Nagisa called him over instead.

He wasn’t sure for what but, since the blond had insisted, Rei accepted the offer. Still, he was nervous. After all, it was technically his first time visiting Nagisa’s home.

After a few minutes of walking from the station, he arrived at the Hazuki household. At least, he hoped it was. Rei looked at the address Nagisa had scribbled down for him, along with a description of it. The building in front of him matched the description perfectly, but there was something terribly wrong with the entire situation. Even though he was still standing by the curb of the road, he could hear a lot of angry yelling coming from the interior of the house.

Rei swallowed. This didn’t seem like a good sign, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to go in while there was an altercation going on, but it wasn’t as if he could just turn around and leave either.

He took out his cell phone and fiddled with it for a second, wondering if he should text Nagisa and double-check if he was still welcome but then decided against it.

Shakily, he walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.

The screaming stopped for a second and the entire house fell silent. Then a shrill bark of a command sliced through the air. Rei bristled and swallowed hard.

He knew that Nagisa didn’t always get along with his family members—especially his sisters—from the stories he told during lunch, but he hoped that his friend’s situation wasn’t as bad as it seemed now. Maybe he was just overthinking things. But it was hard not to believe he was right when he heard crying coming closer to the front door.

“I-I hate you so much! Why can’t you just leave me alone!” the voice sobbed.

Something lurched hard in Rei’s chest when he recognized it. He wanted to wrench the door open as soon as possible, just to get closer to the source of the crying, but he stilled himself.

The sobbing quieted slightly as the lock got undone with a heavy clack. The doorknob twisted, and the door swung in. Once the door was opened, the sound of things being violently thrown about became louder.

Rei’s eyebrows were furrowed together tightly as he looked down and took in the sight of Nagisa with red eyes and a dripping nose. The blond sniffled strongly and scrubbed his arm against his eyes before looking up. The corners of his eyes were still wet, but he gave Rei a wavering smile.

“Hi, Rei-chan!” he greeted, his voice cracking slightly halfway through the short phrase.

“Nagisa-kun,” he said quietly, worry pressing itself into each of his words. He reached out and touched Nagisa lightly on the arm. “Are you alright? Do we need to go somewhere quiet first?”

“Rei-chan?” The energy in his voice drained immediately and became equally soft and blown-away. He glanced curiously at Rei’s touch but didn’t shy away.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything, but we can just go out for a walk right now.”

There was a pause.

Nagisa started laughing.

“R-Rei-chan, what are you talking about?” He tilted his head to the side and smiled, then winced when something crashed on the floor inside the house.

Rei’s expression was grave and serious. “You don’t have to pretend in front of me, Nagisa-kun. I won’t judge you for what’s happenin—”

“No, seriously, Rei-chan, what are you talking about?” Nagisa rocked back and forth on his feet.

Rei dropped his hand to his side. The taller boy couldn’t understand why Nagisa was acting so nonchalant about the entire thing. It wasn’t his fault if his family situation was bad, but going to the point of pretending everything was okay—especially when things were clearly not—hurt him too. He was about to say something sternly when Nagisa interrupted him.

“One sec.” He trotted down the hallway of the house and hung around the corner which led into what appeared to be the living room. “Nee-chan, knock it off! You’re going to break something if you keep that up! Mom’s gonna kill you if you scratch the frying pan!”

An answering, “Shut up, Nagisa! And hurry up!” echoed back to them.

Rei was stunned to silence.

Nagisa was running back to the door. “Sorry ‘bout that,” he said with a bright smile. “Hey, do you want to come in first? It’s kind of weird to be standing here, and my sisters are loud. We’re in the middle of making dinner, by the way, which is why it sounds like a battlefield in here….”

Dazedly, Rei walked into the house and excused his intrusion. Nagisa hopped up to the elevated part of the house and toed some guest slippers to him.

“I-I….” Rei didn’t know what he was trying to say, but he wore the offered slippers anyway. “Why… were you crying earlier?” he settled with.

The golden-haired boy’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh! That? Nee-chan made me cut the onions, but she forgot to put them in the fridge beforehand, so it got really bad. I _hate_ cutting the onions, but they always say that their hands smell afterwards, so I keep getting stuck with onion cutting.” He sighed dramatically.

“I thought…?” he started, feeling lost and confused in the world.

Sudden realization dawned upon Nagisa’s face. “Did you think we were…?” He laughed and shook his head. “We’re not that kind of family! I know I complain about my sisters a lot, but we’re nothing like that! We just get really loud and….” Nagisa tilted his head to one side and shrugged up one shoulder apologetically. “Sorry if that scared you.”

Relief flooded him. “No, not at all,” Rei said. He started laughing once he realized how ridiculous he had been acting. “I’m just glad I was completely wrong.”

Nagisa giggled with him. He turned shy all of a sudden. “Um, that was really nice of you though, to get so worried about me.” He smiled at the floor between them. The next time he looked up, his eyes were bright.

Rei’s face turned red. “O-Of course! We’re friends, so naturally, I’d worry about y—” His sentence cut off halfway as he looked back at the shorter boy. He didn’t know what happened to his words, but they were refusing to come out.

A strange silence settled between them, and Rei felt like he was floating a little.

Nagisa’s smile softened, and Rei wanted to reach out suddenly.

A loud, metal screeching noise made both of them jump.

“Oh my god, put the lid on the pan! Put the lid on the pan!”

The shorter boy turned around and grimaced. “We’d, um, better go in and see if they need help. We all kind of suck at cooking,” he said, smiling apologetically.

“Yes, of course,” Rei started slightly. “I’m—Let’s go help.”

Nagisa took him by the wrist and pulled him gently into the house.

He took in a deep breath and yelled down the hallway enthusiastically. “I’m bringing in Rei-chan! Stop trying to burn down the house…!

(*Alternate title: Much Onions, Very Cry.)

 

* * *

 

**009\. The Silence of Two Seconds**

Between how much lubricant they had used and how excited Nagisa was, this ordeal was a very wet and messy one. Each roll of Nagisa’s hips caused slickness to squelch between them, but it only made both of them more aroused.

Nagisa trembled and breathed heavily, his vision going a little blurry because of how good it felt.

“Re… i-chan…” he panted and hastily pushed their mouths together.

The taller boy responded quickly, his tongue sliding against his the second Nagisa parted his lips. He grunted when the blond thrust into him hard. Both of them breathed heavily through their noses, though moaning and whimpering took precedence over getting enough oxygen to their lungs.

Nagisa pushed his hands up Rei’s spread thighs to thrust in deeply, enjoying the way the taller boy squeezed around him. More stickiness dripped out as Rei turned away and clutched at the pillow beneath his head desperately.

As the shorter boy mouthed and sucked on his neck, Rei rolled his hips up repeatedly to meet with Nagisa’s thrusts. A rhythmic slapping noise followed their half-broken whines and words.

“Nagisa… kun—more…” Rei called out, his eyebrows furrowed as he tilted his chin up. “Deeper—”

At the sound of Rei’s breathy voice, the golden-haired boy straightened out and tried to recollect himself.

Rei was beautifully arranged on the bed, his arms and elbows held up as he gripped onto the sheets and pillow for support, strong thighs pushed apart by Nagisa’s hands, and hard cock straining against his  stomach. Nagisa’s wandering gaze traced up his boyfriend’s strong body, from the sharp V of his hips to his prominent abs and broad shoulders.

Nagisa was fucking Rei with fast, shallow thrusts which pushed and pulled precum out of the taller boy rapidly. Clear strings stuck and unstuck from their bodies.

Seeing the usually collected and prim Rei sprawled beneath him, flushed and covered with sweat and precum always excited Nagisa terribly. To prove his point, his cock twitched deep inside of Rei and spurted out more wetness.

He started moving faster, and the bed creaked loudly. Rei’s breathing became heavier too, until they became moans and stifled whimpers. He arched up gracefully, and Nagisa was captivated by the way his muscles strained and rippled fluidly, shaking in exertion and pleasure before relaxing ever-so-slightly for the taller boy to rest on the mattress again.

“So beautiful—Rei-chan… Ah, you look so good….”

The blush on Rei’s cheeks and chest darkened, and Nagisa was rewarded with a quick gasp and hum that his boyfriend couldn’t contain. A long string of clearness dribbled out from his cock and smeared across his stomach.

Nagisa removed one of his hands from Rei’s thighs and pressed his palm firmly against the underside of the taller boy’s thick erection. Rei groaned loudly and twitched hard. The tip of it was so flushed and wet, just like the taller boy’s lips.

He leaned forward to kiss Rei again and wrapped his fingers around the taller boy’s cock. His hips bucked forward in time with his strokes, knowing that Rei liked the sensory illusion it created. Fucking while being fucked—it was a sensation that Nagisa enjoyed as well, after all.

His short, quick thrusts were rapidly pushing Rei to the edge, judging from how much his dick spasmed and his ass tightened around him. The rhythm he built started to fall apart as he felt his own excitement peak, knowing that Rei was about to lose it.

They parted messily, saliva and breaths pulling between them just far enough for Nagisa to look into Rei’s hazy and glazed over expression as cries fell from his lips.

“I’m cl—ose, Nagisa-kun!” he groaned and rutted wildly into his hand.

The wet slapping noises between them grew more urgent.

“Aaah—Mmn! M-Me too—me too, I wanna cum,” Nagisa whimpered. His cock throbbed and twitched inside Rei’s wet heat.

Rei’s harsh breathing cut through the air as he continued to thrust into his grip. “I’m gonna c-cum, Nagi… sa-ku—Ngh!”

Before he could even finish his sentence, his entire body seized up and his pleasure spilled sloppily from between Nagisa’s fingers. The wetness squelched loudly as the shorter boy rubbed it up and down his cock to prolong his orgasm. Nagisa watched the white strings splatter against Rei’s chest and abs thickly, and his ass continued to eat him up.

The ecstasy that rendered Rei incoherent, combined with how tight he had gotten, drove Nagisa deep into pleasure as well. He came hard against Rei’s clenching walls, filling him up and letting it spurt back out. Rei was at the tail end of his orgasm and was clear-minded enough to loosen himself up for Nagisa’s frantic thrusting. He kept pushing, so every spurt of cum Nagisa pushed into him dribbled out freely right away.

Just watching himself disappear over and over again into Rei’s tightness was driving him insane, and it felt like he would never have to leave his high. But with a few more choked-out breaths and cries, Nagisa was milked out.

He finally came to a stop inside Rei.

The taller boy’s stomach heaved as he drew in deep breaths and slowly loosened his fingers from the sheets he was holding onto with a death grip. Nagisa let his legs down and pulled out with a wet squelch. They both winced. No matter how beautiful it was in the heat of the moment, sex was always a little gross in the end.

Nagisa grinned at Rei and braced his elbows on the bed.

He giggled. “You’ve worked hard today, Rei-chan!” he said in a sing-song voice.

Rei flushed and reached up to pinch Nagisa’s nose. “Don’t mess around like that!” he scolded.

But even Rei couldn’t complain when the blond swooped down and planted a huge kiss on him with all the love in the world.

 

* * *

 

**010\. Parabola **(associated with _[Between the Lines](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1468420)_ and _[Against the Spaces](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2441639)_.)****

“Rei-chan, Rei-chan!”

Rei turned to his side just in time to see Nagisa hop onto the couch and start wriggling toward him. He wasn’t fast enough to lift up his arm, so Nagisa just forced his head between the space there. Rei laughed as he wound up with an armful of warm affection and purring. He let the book he was holding onto fall from his hand.

“Rei-chan!” he chirped again while tucking his hands against Rei’s side. Behind him, his tail flopped on the couch happily.

“Hello, Nagisa-kun,” he replied gently, kissing him softly on the forehead.

Nagisa giggled and leaned up to kiss him on the mouth instead. He smiled when the taller boy’s expression melted for him. He kissed Rei again. When Rei ran his fingers through his hair affectionately, he let his head get pulled back and purred.

Quickly, he squirmed his way into Rei’s lap and nuzzled their foreheads together. The taller boy rubbed his head back on Nagisa gently. Their lips touched softly and wetly as they shared kisses over and over.  Rei’s hands were on Nagisa’s hips as they cuddled, the atmosphere between them quiet and fuzzy.

Nagisa purred pleasantly the entire time. His fingers rested on Rei’s chest to feel the steady heartbeat there. The blond’s fingertips trailed down Rei’s chest and settled lightly over his thighs, changing the air between them.

When Rei opened his eyes again, Nagisa was staring at him with slightly widened pupils and a smile. His fingers slipped along Rei’s inner thighs. In response, the taller man opened up his legs more and shifted. He swept his thumbs along the sides of Nagisa’s hips.

Nagisa opened his mouth and pushed his tongue out, an offer that Rei took up immediately. Rei let out a breathy laugh when the blond pressed his palm over his crotch. Their tongues slid against each other sensually as Nagisa continued to rub him to hardness. Everything about their pace was gentle as their body temperatures slowly rose, along with their pulse and breath-rate.

Rei let the blond continue palming him as he began to yank down on the elastic band of Nagisa’s pajama pants. He yielded obligingly and sat up as the taller man eased his pants and boxers down to his thighs. Both his half-hard cock and ass were revealed. Nagisa shuddered when Rei sucked on his lower lip and smoothed his hands over the curve of his cheeks.

Cold air chilled him too when Nagisa reached into his pants with one hand and pulled down his pants and underwear down with the other. The blond moved forward and spread his legs until their cocks lined up. Nagisa pulled away from their kissing to look between their bodies. His hand greedily tried to hold both their lengths together as they continued to grow harder.

His eyes shone with a strange, soft wildness as he gripped their cocks.

“You’re getting so big,” he breathed out, referring to how quickly Rei’s length was swelling and stiffening beneath his fingers. Nagisa’s own cock twitched and reddened more, as if excited by his own words.

Rei rolled his hips up. “Do you like it?”

Nagisa hummed appreciatively.

The taller man slid his hands from where they were cupping his ass until they reached the delicate curve of his back. His fingers slowly rubbed up until they found the transition between smooth skin and soft fur. Nagisa’s tail twitched out of reach momentarily, but in the next second, he had grasped the base firmly.

A deep rumbling came from Nagisa’s chest as Rei held his tail still with one hand and teasingly circled the sensitive skin around the base of it with the fingers of his other. Their lips found each other again as Nagisa concentrated on jerking their stiff cocks together, and Rei stimulated the blond from behind. He kept running a single finger up and down the crease of Nagisa’s ass but never went far down enough to rub his hole. After a few more times of this, he started to stroke Nagisa’s tail from the base to the tip.

His fur was sleek and silky to the touch as he firmly gripped him and pulled, making sure that every inch of Nagisa’s tail was squeezed in his palm before he repeated the action. In the front, Nagisa’s dick dribbled out more precum, and his breaths melted together in excited moans.

Rei arched his back a little so that their erections would rub up more, then he took a firm grasp on the near-end of Nagisa’s tail. Carefully, so that he wouldn’t hurt the blond, he curled and guided the long, fluffy length until it brushed up against Nagisa’s bare ass.

This was something that had to be deliberately done, and Nagisa had never tried it before, so he pulled back and hissed softly. “Rei-chan, what are you—”

He wasn’t able to complete his sentence when Rei pulled his cheeks apart with one hand and gingerly rubbed the length of Nagisa’s tail between his crack lightly. He reached down far enough to make sure Nagisa’s tail would brush up against the flared entrance of the blond’s hole. Rei rubbed his tail up and down slowly, causing Nagisa’s fur to become bristly. The sensations alternated as his fur was smoothed down and ruffled up with each stroke.

“Are you getting yourself wet here, Nagisa-kun?” he asked shamelessly as he rested his chin on Nagisa’s shoulder. He couldn’t see what he was doing, but Nagisa’s trills and moans, combined with the wet squelching of their cocks, were exciting enough.

Rei let go of Nagisa’s ass cheek and used his fingers to stuff his tail even closer to his skin. Nagisa let out a strangled mewl of complaint when the rough texture of his fur was pressed harder against his sensitive hole. The grip on their cocks grew tighter.

He finally stopped irritating Nagisa’s entrance and ran his hand over the length of the blond’s tail again. As he smoothed down Nagisa’s fur, he couldn’t help but smile a bit when he reached a very damp spot near the end of it. The second he let go, Nagisa began whipping his tail back and forth agitatedly. He growled and nipped hard on Rei’s lower lip when the taller man dared to engage them in another kiss.

His fingers went greedily back to Nagisa’s ass, where they pulled the cheeks apart and pushed up against the flared sensitivity there. The surrounding area was smeared with Nagisa’s precum. Rei could imagine how pink and swollen it must have looked, wet and inflamed with need. He shoved the tips of his middle fingers into the loose hole and pulled it apart. As if on cue, Nagisa moaned and his cock and hole twitched. Rei almost regretted not having a toy handy so that he could shove it into Nagisa’s waiting hole, but he just pushed in a little farther, up to his first knuckles. Then, he sank in both his long fingers and stretched the tight muscles apart.

He rubbed teasingly along the slick walls inside Nagisa, growing pleased when the blond began to quiver and rut against him more desperately. Rei pulled out one finger momentarily to swirl around him lewdly, making sure to rub everywhere he could reach. They kept kissing distractedly, the sensation of their growing pleasure making it difficult to keep their thoughts straight.

Rei went back to pushing his middle fingers in and out of Nagisa’s heat and stimulating him there until sticky wetness began to drip out of his hole. His fingers started to get very slippery, but they were nowhere near as wet as Nagisa’s were. Both their cocks had been twitching against each other nonstop, and precum continued spurting out from their slits as the session dragged on.

Nagisa backed out from their kiss to watch both their cocks slide against each other, the hard lines of their arousal feeling good and thick between his fingers and palm. Their dicks were too big for him to wrap around completely, but it was enough. He dragged his hand up from the base of their lengths to the very tip. Then, he teased the heads and slits of them with his thumb, making sure to mix their precum together sloppily.

Watching Nagisa’s concentrated face crumbling under the pressure of arousal and listening to the lewd sounds which came from both of them was getting to Rei. The blond kept teasing his most sensitive spots and rolling his hips smoothly forward until Rei was likewise reduced to a shaking mess on the couch.

“M’gonna cum,” he said against Nagisa’s temple.

The blond nodded tersely, his eyes still fixed upon their red, wet dicks. Nagisa started moving his hand on them quicker, a steady, rumbling purr slipping into his heavy breathing. Rei felt himself jerking hard between them as Nagisa worked him to orgasm.

He threw his head back and let out a faltering cry as his cock stiffened, and pleasure rolled through him. Rei unconsciously shoved his fingers even deeper into Nagisa’s ass as he clenched his eyes shut. Warm cum squeezed from his balls and spurted out of his tip in long strings. He could feel it course through his sensitive length and drip back on himself and Nagisa messily.

Nagisa was moving hard against him, his ass clenching and sucking in his fingers and stiff cock rutting mercilessly against the underside of his own cock. The gentle purring that had been coming from the blond became harsh growls until he hit his peak, and wetness began to push out from his front and back.

The blond mewled loudly and shook with convulsions.

Rei’s fingers and hands became covered in Nagisa’s pleasure as he shoved as many fingers as he could into his loose hole and purposefully pulled him apart. Nagisa’s swollen walls shook as they clenched and relaxed in rapid succession until bubbles of his natural wetness dribbled out. Rei forced the blond’s orgasm to leak onto the floor in long, sticky drips. He was practically scraping out Nagisa’s cum while fingerfucking his hole.

In his front, white spurts splattered and slipped between their cocks and his fingers as he came. He didn’t hold back at all as wetness landed warmly on Rei’s shirt and thighs with each stroke. Rei winced as he started to get soft and sensitive, but he let Nagisa ride out his orgasm until his cock couldn’t spurt out any more cum and his hole was left gently twitching and dripping.

Nagisa kept his fingers wrapped around their cocks and nuzzled his head against Rei’s shoulders. The taller man drew his fingers out from Nagisa and leaned his head back on the couch. He brought up a hand to look at the thick clearness which coated and stretched between his fingers. Rei rubbed his thumb against his fingers dazedly, feeling it slide against his skin smoothly. He let his hand drop.

Both of them were sated and tired from their orgasms.

“Let’s go shower.”

Nagisa hummed in response but made no move to get up. His breathing was slow, like the sweeping motion of his tail.

Rei eventually picked him up and got them into the bathroom. They got too excited again while washing off and made an even bigger mess than they entered with. It wasn’t until past midnight that they finally went to sleep, exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with [fanart](http://kgsexysketchyspace.tumblr.com/post/83536118622/ta-da-my-scanner-and-his-great-come-back-so)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/84322975692/sleep-chapter-4-rei-nagisa) and [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/4/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here).

**011\. Absolute Zero**

The world was never quiet.

So long as he was awake, streams of words and worthless information always flooded his conscience.

There was no way to shut it off.

From his house to the train station were hydrangea bushes. They bloomed beautifully, clusters of the tiny blossoms bursting forward in delicate reams.

_The color of hydrangea blossoms is dependent on the acidity of the soil they are planted in. More acidic soil turns the petals blue, while a basic soil composition makes the plants develop redder petals._

Rei tore his gaze away in hopes of stemming the flood.

_Azaleas. Genus Rhododendron, subgenus Tsutsuji. Their blooming season is from—_

He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes.

***

_Sand melts at 1,700 degrees Celsius and can be molded into different shapes while in liquid form. To create glass, the molten mixture must—_

Rei’s hands trembled as he tried to push the words away. He didn’t need to remember how glass windows were made. He needed to focus on his class—what was being taught right now. But he couldn’t stop recalling the worthless trivia, and the teacher’s voice was simply background noise.

His breathing began to quicken.

 _Signs of an anxiety attack_ _include_ —

No, this was not what he needed either. He _knew_ what the signs of an anxiety attack were. What he needed now was a way to stop it.

He concentrated hard on the teacher’s undulating voice—the way it rose and fell through his lecture and paused too long after each sentence. Rei didn’t know what he was saying, but it was slow and distinct enough for him to latch onto possessively and try to forget everything else.

The words still pounded behind his eyes, making his head hurt, but he was able to force his breathing back to normal.

Rei swallowed.

He only wanted it to be quiet.

***

_Buoyancy is calculated by multiplying the density of the liquid with the amount of displaced volume and gravity. Take into the account that salt may be present in the water. The ratio of water to salt affects this percentage by..._

But the pool is chlorinated, not filled with salt. He shook his head and put his goggles back on.

“Okay, Rei! Are you ready for your next dive?”

“Yes, Makoto-senpai!”

His voice was steady and clear, unlike his muddled thoughts.

Rei leaned over the starting block.

 _Keep your leading foot in front of you and grip onto the block with your toes. Your other foot should be balanced behind you. Do not lean too far back, as that would break your momentum. Your fingertips should hold into the edge of the_ —

Line after line of the swimming reference book he read floated before him. He struggled to follow everything precisely but only found himself becoming increasingly confused.

He started to panic slightly.

Makoto blew the whistle.

In that split second, Rei's mind went blank, and he leapt off the block.

Somehow, without calculating for velocity and gravity, he managed not to belly-flop into the water. He drew his arms in front of him and kept them straight.

The cold hit him almost immediately, and he started a butterfly kick out of pure muscle memory.

_Keep your legs straight but not stiff. Your knees should be slightly bent. Move from your core and hips to..._

It wasn't until he reached the midway point of the pool that he surfaced again.

Nagisa, who was hanging by the edge of the deck, grinned at him.

“That was really good, Rei-chan!”

He pulled his goggles up and snapped them to his forehead. Water dripped down his face as he caught his breath.

Rei averted his gaze. “... Thanks.”

While the shorter boy trotted off to the end of the pool for another dive, Rei pulled himself out of the water and tried to ignore the formula and instructions which chased after him.

***

“And so I kept telling him, right? There was no way that happened, 'cause it wasn't like anyone could've done something like that...”

Nagisa was rambling again, but it was hard for Rei to focus, even though he wanted to.

_The common hearing range for a human being is 31 Hz to 18 kHz, as compared to a cat’s, which is approximately 55 Hz to 79 kHz._

Rei heard Nagisa giggle through his thick fog of thoughts. A warm hand slipped into his, startling him out of his reverie. He looked to his side, where the shorter boy was. Nagisa smiled at him widely.

_The average temperature of a human is..._

Rei balked. Nagisa's clear eyes were looking back into his, and he couldn't remember what the average temperature of a human was anymore. The words trickled off softly.

Rei smiled back and squeezed his hand.

***

The shorter boy was running his fingers through his hair, as if he were petting him and Rei, for the life of him, couldn't remember anything. The only thing he could think of was how good it felt to have Nagisa in his lap as they kissed. He shifted to get rid of some pressure on his shoulder from the wall.

The golden-haired boy giggled and nudged their noses together.

Rei opened his eyes and stared into Nagisa's eyes.

_Tourmaline, rose pink, amaranth._

The words were back, and a spike of something cold rose to his throat.

Nagisa was watching him with silent, unquestioning eyes. They were close enough for Rei to see the slight shifts in Nagisa’s gaze, which would have been endearing if his pulse wasn’t accelerating to an unhealthy speed. He opened his mouth to say something—maybe the beginning of “I’m sorry”—but couldn’t find his voice.

The blond tilted his head and pressed their lips together warmly. He swept his tongue into Rei's mouth and sighed. All of Rei’s words fell away as broken shards.

The shorter boy pulled away and embraced him tightly.

“Shhh,” he murmured into Rei's ear. “It's okay, Rei-chan. I'm right here.”

Rei buried his nose into Nagisa's shoulder and breathed in deeply. The faint smell of stubborn chlorine burned his nose. He exhaled.

His palms were not sweaty, his fingers were still, and his mind was silent.

Beating against Nagisa’s chest was Rei’s own steady heart.

“I’m here,” Nagisa said again while tightening his fingers.

Rei returned the protective gesture and nodded fiercely.

The world was still and quiet at last.

 

* * *

 

**012\. Gradient**

“Rei-chan! Look, look!”

Rei barely had the time to look up and throw his laptop off his lap before Nagisa leapt into it without warning. At the same time he wrapped his arms around the shorter man, he watched and made sure his computer hit the sofa cushions safely. Nagisa’s hair was already tickling his nose by the time the laptop settled down.

Being with Nagisa was like living life on the edge constantly, and Rei had somehow managed to train himself to react out of pure muscle memory for most things.

A phone screen was shoved in his face.

“Rin-chan and Ai-chan adopted a cat!”

Rei quirked an eyebrow up. “Another one?”

“Yeah, isn’t it cute?” the golden-haired man exclaimed while still showing Rei the picture.

He had to agree. With bright yellow eyes and grey patterning that made it look like it was wearing a mask, the newest addition to Rin and Aiichirou’s cat family was rather charming.

“Indeed,” Rei answered. He paused and absentmindedly linked his fingers so that he was fully embracing Nagisa. “What number does this one make?”

Nagisa took the phone back and slouched low in Rei’s lap. He started typing out a text message. “I’unno,” he replied, “Maybe their fifth? Or fourth, I think….” He stuck out his tongue as he tapped on the phone.

“Oh my.” The taller man smiled. “You know, I wonder…” he started thoughtfully and planted his chin on top of Nagisa’s head, “if Rin-san and Aiichirou-kun are trying to compete with Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai….”

Nagisa stared up at Rei. “At what? How many cats they have?”

Rei’s lips twitched. “Well….”

Immediately, Nagisa laughed. “You know, they could be….” He snuggled against Rei. “Maybe we should start adopting cats too.”

“What?”

“I’m just saying! I mean, Mako-chan and the others seem to have so much fun taking care of them all…. And cats are cute!”

“I think I have enough on my hands just taking care of _you_ , Nagisa-kun,” Rei said. He squeezed.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded mock-angrily while laughing.

“Come to think of it, you’re always nuzzling me anyway, aren’t you?”

To prove his point, Nagisa shoved his head against Rei’s chest and started nuzzling him hard.

“Ow, not that viciously!” Rei exclaimed and tried to move away.

Nagisa nipped him on the neck gently. “That’s for making fun of me,” he smiled against Rei’s skin. “And in the first place, wouldn’t _you_ make a better cat?”

“Me? Why so?”

“’Cause you’re always making that face.”

Rei furrowed his eyebrows. “What face?”

The golden-haired man leaned back far enough to look at Rei. “That one. The one you’re making right now!” He scrunched up his features and tried to look very serious. After a second, he relaxed his expression. “You know, the one that cats always have on, like they’re really upset about something.”

“I do not always look upset!” he exclaimed while frowning.

Nagisa giggled and pecked him on the chin. “Alright, not _always_ , but that’s beside the point.” He tried to settle down but suddenly sat up straight, nearly knocking Rei in the chin. “Hey—what if I _were_ a cat though?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you know those gross manga that has characters with cat ears and tails and stuff? What if I was like that!”

“That’s preposterous,” Rei scoffed, shaking his head.

“No, no, no, but _imagine_ , Rei-chan! Okay, so I have these fluffy cat ears, right? And a tail?”

The taller man rolled his eyes and gave Nagisa a wry smile. “Mm-hmm.”

“And then—” Nagisa wriggled in Rei’s arms until he was straddling him and was able to put his hands on his shoulders. He brought their faces close together. His eyes flickered into a darker hue. “—I went into heat?”

Rei laughed and bumped his forehead against Nagisa’s, completely unaffected by his attempt at seduction. “That’d be distasteful.”

“Aw, Rei-chan! Don’t pretend as if you’re lower than the best form of kinky sex! A me in cat form could _totally_ exist in an alternate universe!”

“ _That’s_ the best form of kinky sex?” he asked half-laughingly.

“Yeah, of course! Animal features, uncontrollable sexual arousal, total submission…. Stuff like that, right?”

Rei hummed dubiously and smiled.

“Don’t ‘hmm,’ me, Rei-chan! I know what all your kinks are!” Nagisa poked him on the nose with a finger.

“And I yours, Nagisa-kun.”

“Okay, fair enough,” he conceded. “But no, seriously, just think about it! _‘Rei-chan,_ please _! I need you so badly…_!’” Nagisa moaned and writhed in Rei’s lap.

The taller man laughed. “You’re hopeless, you little rascal!” He hugged Nagisa closely to stop his thrashing.

Nagisa giggled. “Or maybe it’d be _you_ in heat then, huh?” His voice turned breathy and petulant again.  “‘ _Nagisa-kun, put it in me—I want to feel you in my tight heat_!’”

“Oh my god, _Nagisa_ -kun,” Rei sighed exasperatedly. “You really are helpless.”

“You'd be too, if you were a cat and in heat….”

The golden-haired man suddenly drew away and stared deep into Rei’s eyes.

“Mewling and squirming because you can’t control how aroused you are?” he went on in a low, sensual voice.

Rei didn’t resist when Nagisa took his glasses off his face, though he maintained a snarky half-smile.

“And all here for me to ravish! Rei-chan!” he called out. Nagisa broke out of character completely and pounced on him.

“Wait, wait, wait! Nagisa-kun, my _laptop_!”

But Rei’s cries fell upon deaf ears as Nagisa laughed and clambered on top of him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/85125203692/sleep-chapter-5-rei-nagisa) and [FF.net.](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/5/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here)

**013\. Brumal**

Noise—dark. Cold.

Murmurs which spun in his dizzy mind. He was lying down. Maybe. Maybe, he was lying down.

Lights—only one. Light. Just one.

It was strong and constant and burned.

He hurt. His leg burned with something sharp and acid, and his head pounded out a crazy beat that he couldn’t follow. His fingers wouldn’t move no matter how much he tried.

Was this sleep paralysis? He was awake, but he couldn’t move a single inch.

He couldn’t move.

This was not sleep paralysis.

This was not sleep paralysis, because it was

Loud and cold and

He remembered, soft thoughts which floated beneath his closed eyelids like ink imprints of leaves on paper.

“ _Rei-chan, look out!_ ”

And a hard shove and

Suddenly, Rei gasped sharply and snapped his eyes open.

His glasses had flown off his face and were nowhere to be found, so everything before him was a thick blur. A string of streetlamps provided poor illumination.

His entire body hurt, and he could feel the distinct sensation of friction burn and bruises swelling beneath his skin. He shot up and regretted it immediately, for the blood which rushed from his head and worsened his dizziness.

 “Nagisa—” he rasped out, looking around wildly. He didn’t have to search far, because there was a blond lump about half a meter away from him. The form was still. “Nagisa!”

Someone was calling out to him to stay still, but his ears were full of water, and the voice was nothing but a garbled mess. He was underwater in a sea of molasses.

He thought someone calling out about an ambulance but couldn’t be sure.

Rei staggered toward Nagisa and shoved off the hands which tried to keep him back. His knee landed on something and scraped it across the dark asphalt. His glasses. He picked them up hastily and jammed them on his face, never minding the sharp crack which ran down the left frame.

With them on, he could finally see how Nagisa was. He was lying on his back with his arms thrown haphazardly outward. He looked surreal surrounded by fruits and vegetables in various states of disarray and edibility. A puddle of strawberry ice cream melted on the floor apathetically. Nagisa was the subject of a painting with too-harsh lighting and poor arrangement.

Something bubbled up from Rei’s throat. It was a sob. Or maybe it was his heart.

He scrabbled closer to the prone man and called out to him.

“Nagisa—Nagisa-kun. Nagisa-kun!”

Rei didn’t dare touch him, in fear of injuring him further, but what could he do? Was he okay? Was he oka—

Nagisa’s jacket had a floral pattern on it. Pretty and surreal and dark, dark red like warm wine and strawberry jam and no, it was blood and there was so much and there was so much and there was so much.

“Wake up, Nagisa-kun!” Rei cried out, voice reedy with shock and fear. His hands were cold, but not as cold as Nagisa’s face felt when he cradled it gently.

The blond’s eyelashes fluttered very weakly. His lips parted to take a breath, but then something bubbled, popped, and he coughed. A fine, red mist.

 _Oh_ , Rei thought. _Oh_.

His voice was urgent and thin when he called out again, “Nagisa-kun…!”

Pink eyes opened blearily. They looked so far-away, so lost and cold.

“Rei-ch—?” he tried to say, but then he hacked again, and his lips were red, like the time he stole Gou’s lipstick during one year’s Christmas party and insisted on kissing everyone with it on. Rei thought the shade didn’t look good on Nagisa—it was too dark, but it looked alright on Gou. The lipstick he wore now was too dark as well and looked even worse. “What happened?” he croaked out after he cleared out his airway.

Rei wasn’t sure either. “We just had a small accident. That’s all,” he said, shakily brushing Nagisa’s bangs away from his face.

“Okay,” Nagisa replied, taking in the words. “Where are we?”

“Near home. Near home, we just—we were walking back from buying groceries, remember?”

Nagisa’s pink eyes glazed over.

“Nagisa-kun, remember?” Rei insisted.

The focus returned. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Are you okay?” He was not, and Rei knew it. He didn’t have to read a medical book cover-to-cover to know that Nagisa was not. “Does it hurt?”

Nagisa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You’re bleeding,” he said, completely ignoring Rei’s questions. One of his hands wobbled uncertainly from the floor as if he was trying to reach up to Rei’s face. Rei grabbed it tightly.

It was so cold.

“Shh,” he shushed. Tears burned at his eyes. “I’m fine,” he said. “I’m alright.”

A spasm of pain crossed Nagisa’s face. “It’s cold.”

Rei knew this as well.

“It’s okay. Someone’s called an ambulance, so people are coming to help us. They’ll get you to a nice, warm bed and stop—”

“The bleeding” was what was supposed to come next, but Rei couldn’t say it.

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa asked. “Where are we?”

He started crying. “Almost home, Nagisa-kun,” he said. Tears collected on his glasses.

“Oh. I see. It’s cold. Why can’t I stand up? I can’t… Rei-chan, I can’t….”

“Shh,” Rei said again and bowed over Nagisa protectively. He was squeezing Nagisa’s hand hard, but the blond was not returning the gesture at all.

“Is it bed-time? The room’s so dark.”

“No! No, Nagisa, don’t—”

“But I’m so sleepy. I want to sleep. I feel so tired.”

“Nagisa…!”

“Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry. What did I do, Rei-chan? I’ll fix it. I won’t do it again. Don’t get angry.”

Rei shushed him and pressed his forehead against Nagisa’s. “Don’t talk anymore, it’s okay. I’m not angry. I’m not angry, Nagisa, just stay awake, alright? Just a little longer. Help is coming—”

“What happened to ‘kun’?” he asked, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

He couldn’t answer.

“Gross. You’re getting snot all in my hair. Stop that….”

He wished he could.

“We’ll go home and wash off your face then. And afterwards, we can make dinner together. We were going to make your favorite for dessert, remember? Strawberry shortcake with ice cream? Do you want cookies too? We can make those. We can make those if you want. Just hang in there, and I’ll—”

“You’re so suspicious, Rei-chan, being so nice to me….” Nagisa swallowed but choked on the iron in his mouth. He coughed and whined.

“It’s because I love you,” he cried and clenched his eyes together tightly.

“Gross,” the blond said again, laughing slightly. The tremors which followed that were out of pain. When the smile faded, Nagisa weakly squeezed back Rei’s hand. “I love you too.”

“I love you so much, okay? Nagisa-kun, I love you so much.”

“Mmn. I know.”

“Nagisa….”

“I love you too, Rei-chan.”

Rei kissed him, coppery and cold.

“I love you too,” Nagisa repeated. “Can I sleep? I’m tired. Just a little….”

“Please don’t. Nagisa, don’t—”

“Don’t be stingy. It’s just a nap. You can wake me up later, okay? A twenty-minute power nap. That’s what’s best, right? That’s what you say. Just twenty minutes, and then you can wake me up.”

“No, no, no. Nagisa, no….”

“Good night, Rei-chan. I love you, okay? You can wake me up later… Good night….”

“Nagisa—”

No, not this, not this.

“Nagisa! Wake up! Nagisa!”

Not this, that was not beautiful at all. Not this.

“Please…. Please, no, no, no. Nagisa-kun!”

Why now. Why.

“Nagisa, no…. Please…. Wake up, I—”

Have so much more to tell you and do with you.

Nagisa-kun, you wanted to adopt cats, right? Let’s go. Let’s go find some you’d like. You can take back as many as you’d like home. It’s okay. I don’t mind.

We still haven’t finished your garden on the balcony. Didn’t you say you wanted to plant some tulips this year? Which ones were they? The pink ones? Did you want the pink ones?

The movie you wanted to see comes out next week.

You were supposed to help me air out the futons this weekend.

Tomorrow, there’s a sale on your favorite chocolates again.

We were going to make cake tonight.

There’s so much we still have to do together.

There’s so much we still have to do together.

Nagisa—

“I love you. I love you, Nagisa. I love you…. Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've not been in a good mood.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/86998852252/sleep-chapter-6-rei-nagisa) and [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241816/6/Sleep-and-When-You-Wake-I-Will-Still-Be-Here)

**014\. Rust**

Rei breathed out silently in content. Truly, no matter how many times he stopped by to look at the paintings, they were always so beautiful.

Of course, that was to be expected. After all, they were created by the masters of painting. They, who had memorized all the theories and practices of color, lighting, and arrangement, had poured in their lifetime and great efforts into making these masterpieces.

A small smile rose to his lips as he stood in front of an impressive wall of oil paintings.

His eyes wandered over each one carefully, taking in the small details of the brushstrokes and the way they seemed to emit a glow all by themselves. Even though it was only paint, the subject matters—be them still life or people—appeared alive. If Rei took his eyes off for more than a second away from the gilded frames, they would surely come to life.

The feeling of utter contentment and happiness filled his heart as he silently admired the art before him.

“Hello.”

A sudden voice broke through his concentration and startled him lightly.

“Oh, sorry about that!” the same voice said.

Rei looked over to his left and tilted his head down a little. He was met with the sight of a golden-haired man in a smart-looking suit. His eyes were bright, and he was smiling happily.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

“No,” Rei replied politely, stepping back a bit to regain some of his personal space. The other man was standing a little too close for his comfort. “I was just lost in my thoughts.”

The shorter man chuckled. “Yeah, I could tell. You really like these paintings, don’t you?” he asked all of a sudden.

Rei didn’t know how to respond to that. He glanced at the nametag that was pinned to the man’s outer jacket. In neat, block letters, it proclaimed “HAZUKI.” Next to it was a small, golden lapel pin in the shape of a penguin.

Quietly, he cleared his throat. “Yes, I greatly enjoy their visual aesthetics.”

“Are you a student from the neighboring art university?” Hazuki asked.

“Ah, no, I’m actually not…”

“Then you’re probably from the other university, aren’t you? The one that specializes in math and science?”

Rei pushed up his glasses. This Hazuki man certainly knew the area well. “Yes.”

The blond laughed and grinned. “I thought so! Well, actually, I was pretty sure you were from the art university, since you like these paintings so much. Anyway, sorry about not introducing myself first! I’m—”

“Hazuki-san, right?” he said with a faint, polite smile.

A look of surprise passed by the shorter man’s face. Then it cleared up. He patted the nametag on his chest proudly. “Yes! But you can just call me ‘Nagisa.’”

Rei cleared his throat.

“Anyway, I’m one of the guides this section of the museum. I kept noticing that you stopped by every Tuesday, so I thought I’d make a conversation or something.” Hazuki—Nagisa?—chirped.

“I simply enjoy looking at good art,” he muttered, feeling acutely embarrassed. Rei wasn’t used to having people approach him randomly and start talking to him. He was more familiar with walking around and minding his own business with no one to bother him.

Nagisa grinned again. “I’m glad! People don’t usually have the time to look at this stuff, and when they do, they never have enough time to really _look_ at it, y’know? But you always spend hours just examining one wall. You have so much dedication!”

He didn’t know how to respond to that either, so he just pushed up his glasses again.

“Sorry for bothering you! I just wanted to tell you that I thought it’s nice that you enjoy these paintings so much.” Nagisa smiled at him widely. He bowed politely at Rei before walking off with a wave.

Rei bowed back briefly.

*****

“Hello! You’re back again, huh?”

This time, Rei had spotted Nagisa in the same wide, open area before the blond approached him.

“Yes,” he replied briefly, his eyes flickering back to the painting he was looking at earlier.

Nagisa’s gaze focused on the same art piece as well.

It was a painting of a basket overflowing with fresh flowers.

“You know, this one was painted over the course of a few years. It’s a little hard to tell, but all the flowers in the painting are from different seasons.” Nagisa started speaking after a brief second of silence. His hands were laced behind him as he tilted his head to one side. “Since it’s not like you could just walk into a flower shop and get a bunch of out-of-season stuff like you can now, the painter had to wait for the right season before painting them all. Pretty impressive, huh?”

Rei nodded. He thought it very impressive that Nagisa knew so much about the painting in the first place, but then again, that was to be expected. After all, he worked here. Still, for some reason, he was surprised.

He turned back to look at the painting, this time with a newfound appreciation for it.

“What’s your favorite painting here anyway?” Nagisa asked.

“I…? My favorite painting?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re always here in the permanent exhibition hall, so I figured you’d at least have a favorite.”

Nagisa’s pink eyes glanced up at him curiously.

“I don’t particularly have one,” Rei replied.

“Ah. I see.”

He felt vaguely bad, as if he had let the blond down.

“Then I guess that just means you like them all!”

Rei was made momentarily speechless as Nagisa beamed up at him. He opened his mouth.

“… Yes, I suppose that is so.”

Next to him, the golden-haired man chuckled softly.

*****

“Have you seen this month’s special exhibition?”

This time, they were in front of a painting of two kittens playing around a vase.

“The one next to this room?”

“Yeah.”

Rei glanced toward the general direction of the adjacent exhibition space. He recalled it being one centered around paintings with an underwater theme to it.

“Yes, briefly.”

“It’s nice,” Nagisa said off-handedly.

The taller man nodded. “Yes.”

“There’s one that I really like in there. Did you see it? It’s the—”

“One with the penguins in it?”

Nagisa looked up at him with the same, surprised expression he had given Rei when they first met and Rei said his name. Rei smiled lightly and tapped his finger to his collarbone, where he would have placed a lapel pin, had he been wearing a suit like Nagisa.

The golden-haired man laughed. “You’re really good at noticing small details!”

“I just like analyzing things.”

“Well, you’re really good at it,” he said with a sense of proud finality. “Anyway, yeah, that one’s my favorite.”

The two of them stayed in comfortable silence for a while longer, letting the ambient sounds of the museum wash over them quietly.

“They’ll be taking that one down at the end of this week, and then we’ll put up a new one.”

“Ah.”

For a second, Rei glanced at the shorter man and noticed that he was trying very hard to repress a wide smile. He looked like he was on the going to burst from excitement.

“I’m in charge of that one, you know.”

“Huh?”

“The next display. For next week. Once they take down this one? I’m in charge of the one for next month’s display.” The golden-haired man looked at him with excited eyes.

“Oh! Oh, I…. Uh, congratulations.” Rei couldn’t really remember what the next special exhibition would be about. He thought he had seen banners advertising it outside the museum, and it was probably written on the brochure too, but he’d be lying if he said he paid any particular attention to it.

“I’ve been planning it for a long time. Where to put everything, what the information cards should say—all that stuff. And next week, it’s going to be made public for everyone to see!” He ran his hands down the front of his suit and started rocking back and forth on his feet.

“Is this… the first time you’ll be in charge of a display?”

“Yes!” He sounded like he was on the verge of exploding. “It was a lucky break, sort of. They don’t usually let us do this kind of stuff, but you know. Things.”

Rei didn’t know, but he smiled politely anyway. “Congratulations,” he said again. “I look forward to seeing your display next week.”

Nagisa perked up and glowed with pride at the words “your display.” “Thanks!” he replied. “I hope you like it.”

*****

Since it was the opening day for the new exhibition—one on butterflies and flowers, Rei realized after his conversation with Nagisa the week before—the area was much more crowded than usual. The special exhibition space was full of people wandering around and looking at the paintings, which had been strategically arranged.

It was mildly difficult to navigate the area, but, thanks to his height, Rei didn’t have too much trouble admiring all the paintings.

He spotted Nagisa off in the corner of the room, anxiously watching everyone in the area. He was so distracted that it wasn’t until Rei was a few meters away from him that he noticed the taller man. Immediately, he grinned and waved.

“Hello!”

“Hello,” Rei greeted. “Congratulations on the opening day. Your display seems to be very popular.”

“Yes!” He appeared to want to say more, but was far too excited to articulate himself properly.

Rei pushed up his glasses. “I… enjoy the layout you prepared for these paintings. It leads the audience through the space very well, and the color arrangements are well chosen.”

“You think so? I actually had some trouble deciding whether—”

The shorter man stopped speaking when he noticed Rei watching him with a smile.

“It’s fine,” Rei reassured him. “Everything’s fine.”

“Really?”

Nagisa looked delighted, and Rei suddenly didn’t know what to do with himself.

Standing there amidst the hustle and bustle of people, it was like they were set off in a world all to themselves. The din which swelled and settled down again in rhythmic waves drew them into a lull.

Rei was the first one who looked away, feeling like he was fifteen again. He cleared his throat.

“Um, maybe—after your work finishes, if you have the time…. Perhaps we could meet up for dinner and you can tell me more about this display? Since you’re busy now, and I wouldn’t want to intrude on your job. Of course, if you don’t have the time, that’s fine too. I wouldn’t want to be rud—”

“No!” Nagisa exclaimed a little too loudly. He winced at his voice and glanced around to make sure he hadn’t disturbed too many guests. “No,” he said again at a more acceptable level of loudness. “That sounds great. I get out kind of late though, but if you’re alright with that—”

“Yes, perfectly! Absolutely! I mean, I’d be fine waiting. That’d be fine.” Rei definitely felt fifteen again. He hoped his face wasn’t as red as his glasses. They probably were.

Nagisa laughed and tilted his head slightly. “It’s a date then!”

Now Rei was positive his face was as red as his frames.

“By the way, um,” the golden-haired man ventured to say, “I never really did catch your name.”

Rei looked up. “I-I apologize. It’s Rei. Ryuugazaki Rei.”

“Ryuugazaki Rei…” Nagisa repeated softly. He smiled. “That’s a really nice name. Please treat me kindly from now on, Rei-chan!”

The taller man startled, completely taken off-guard by the sudden casualness which fell over them. Then, he laughed.

“Yes, please treat me kindly from now on too, Nagisa-kun.”

 

* * *

 

**015\. Mercury**

His lungs burned as much as his wrist did from being held onto so tightly, and it was all Rei could do to keep up with his friend. They didn’t mind the grime or puddles they splashed into, their agenda only focused on getting away.

It was hard to breathe with the amount of soot and ash in the air, but that was normal. The sweat streaks down their faces and dirt smeared around the cracked edges of their mouths—that was normal too.

Their running, flat-out, unreserved, maniacal running—that wasn’t out of the ordinary either.

There was a cliff coming up soon, The Chasm, they called it, for the lack of a better term. The fracture ran for as far as the eye could see and went down just as far too, into a darkness that chilled Rei’s heart and bones to nothingness.

He hated that place, because it reminded him of cold, decaying things, like the slimy fish put on display in the black market stalls, stinking up the entire area. He hated it because it trapped him, with fear being the sharp teeth which dug into his ankle and tore at his muscles. He hated it because it separated him from Here and There, in which There was always, always going to be better.

This was fear and uncertainty and never being able to stand again, and Rei didn’t know why they were heading toward it.

They skid to a stop, tattered shoes barely holding onto their feet with thin soles. A few rocks tumbled over the edge.

“Rei-chan, let’s go.”

Nagisa’s eyes were burning with a wild excitement that was completely void of fear or hesitation. His fingers tightened around Rei’s arm and tugged.

He said it again. “Let’s go.”

Words stuck to his dry throat, and he couldn’t cough them out.

Surely, this was the end to the Nagisa he knew.

“Are you mad?” he screamed. He snatched his arm away.

“Mad?” Nagisa asked, voice calm and almost curious. “I’m not angry. Not at all, Rei-chan.”

He glanced behind them, where the earth had torn itself apart in despair.

When he turned back to Rei, he had a wide grin on his face.

“But, you know, I always thought a touch of insanity ran in my family.”

The blond—he was blond, Rei knew, beneath the filth and corruption which tainted Nagisa’s hair to a premature grey—took a step back.

“Nagisa-kun—” he started warningly, a cold sweat breaking out over his back and forehead.

“Do you trust me, Rei-chan?” Nagisa grinned at him gleefully. “Do you trust me?”

He was grasping for words with his stuttering heart, because he _did_ trust Nagisa. He _did_ , but not right now. Not right now, when he had such an unhinged look in his eyes and his cheeks were spread to the point of breaking.

“Let’s go.”

Nagisa turned around and leapt

into

the air

and

Rei watched his best friend’s figure hung in the air for a split second, as if suspended along with his breath, and then plunge straight to the center of the earth. The scream of horror he wanted to let out caught in his throat and ran cold in his veins instead.

“ _Nagisa-kun!_ ”

He scrambled to the edge of the cliff and gripped the rocks there hard. His yell echoed to him emptily, but there was nothing left to see but black.

Something cold and metal pressed against the back of his neck and clicked.

Rei wished he had jumped in with Nagisa too, but now all he could do was clench his eyes shut and try to remember how to breathe.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://brumalbreeze.tumblr.com/post/89658359302/sleep-chapter-7-rei-nagisa).

**016\. Worthless**

“Hey, Rei-chan?”

Nagisa stood at the entryway of Rei’s room, looking a little distant and unsure. He was gripping onto his left arm with his right hand tightly and was staring at the floor with his bottom lip caught in his teeth.

Automatically, Rei half-rose from his low, glass desk and started to move toward the shorter boy. Worry and fear made his heart beat faster.

“Nagisa-kun? What’s the matter?”

Earlier, before Nagisa had gone to use the bathroom, he seemed to be alright, so the sudden change in attitude alarmed Rei quite a bit. On top of that, it was incredibly rare to see Nagisa acting so subdued and quiet.

“Are you feeling unwell? Do you need to sit down for a second?”

“No, it’s… not really like that,” he said, looking up and smiling without feeling. “I just….” Nagisa sighed heavily and walked into the room slowly, his head still tilted down and his eyebrows pinched together worriedly.

“Let’s sit on my bed,” Rei offered, immediately abandoning his homework.

The mattress sank beneath their weight as they settled down. They remained in silence, and Rei was feeling increasingly anxious and worried at how listless his boyfriend was acting. He didn’t want to rush Nagisa though, so he merely remained still with his hands in his lap.

“What… do you do when you feel really unsure about yourself?”

Rei looked at him in surprise.

“Like when nothing you do seems to be good enough? You know, when you do your best and others don’t seem to notice you at all?” Nagisa lifted his head and Rei’s heart broke. He had never seen Nagisa’s eyes so forlorn and discouraged-looking. “But when someone else does the same thing, they get all the recognition?”

Nagisa pressed his hands together and began to rub at the edges of his fingers. “I don’t know if I’m being petty and jealous, but it feels so _frustrating_. I want to know if I’m doing something wrong. If I’m really not good enough, or if the others around me are really better than me….

“After all, from the beginning, I was never really anything ‘special,’ you know? I was always just… _there_.

“I know I shouldn’t try to compare myself to others, but it’s so hard not to. I always look over to the person next to me and feel like I’m not enough. Whatever I do is only ever ‘normal’ or even ‘sub-par.’ The worst part is when I see someone else who’s getting more recognition, I sometimes think that they’re not even as good as me and get really angry. How mean is that? Just how petty can I get?” His voice wavered, and Nagisa had to swallow and steel himself again.

“Sometimes, I want someone to tell me that it’s okay, that I’m not as worthless as I think I am—and the stupid part is that I _know_ I’m not, but sometimes I can’t help but to think that—but isn’t that just me being an attention-seeker?

“Isn’t that gross and dislikable? Doesn’t that make _me_ as gross and dislikable? I don’t want to be like that, and yet—” He clenched his fists and bit off the rest of his words.

In a harsh whisper that Rei almost couldn’t hear, he said, “Why do I feel this way?”

His shoulders began to shake, and silent tears began to drop from his downturned face and onto his hands.

Rei’s eyes pricked as well, but blinked his tears away. He wrapped his arms around the shorter boy and held him protectively. Nagisa stayed rigid and unmoving, even when Rei pressed his chin against his head and let him nuzzle into his chest.

His heart felt heavy and sad, and he hated seeing Nagisa this way. He was usually so upbeat and happy and the one who cheered everyone up. Rei had no idea what would have caused him to become so insecure and upset at himself. He wondered just how worthless a boyfriend he was if he couldn’t even properly read Nagisa’s moods and try to help him before things got to this point.

He wished he knew what to say, but nothing came from his lips.

How could he reassure his boyfriend when he himself struggled with the same issues all the time, with nothing but false bravado and imitation self-confidence to get him through the day as well? He had no right to give him words of comfort when he himself didn’t believe in them.

“Shhh, you’re fine, Nagisa-kun,” he said softly while rubbing the shorter boy’s arm soothingly. “You’re absolutely fine. You’re not gross or dislikable at all….”

“Then why am I like this, Rei-chan?” he cried, finally breaking down and clutching the front of Rei’s shirt desperately. “Why am I like this?”

Rei rested his cheek on top of Nagisa’s head and shushed him gently, letting him cry as much as he wanted.

He wanted to confidently cheer Nagisa up and pull him out of his hole of despair, but he had nothing to offer except empty words and deep empathy. At the moment, he realized how worthless all the books he read and theories he learned were, since he couldn’t even comfort his boyfriend at a time like this.

As Nagisa continued to cry and break, Rei closed his eyes and wished that _he_ wasn’t so useless either.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, my commissions are still open. For more information, [please see here](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/commissions).
> 
> Also on [Tumblr](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/post/95493020768/sleep-chapter-8-rei-nagisa-nsfw).

**017\. Absolute Terror Field**

“Hey, hey. C’mon. Nagisa-kun. Shhh. Shhh, it’s okay.”

Rei’s knees hurt from kneeling on the hard floor for so long, and his hands throbbed from pounding at the clear barrier in front of him, but he had long since pushed away the pain and discomfort to the edges of his mind.

Nagisa wouldn’t look at him.

He had his head pressed hard against the unyielding surface of the wall between them and was so, so close, but he wouldn’t look at Rei. His face was wet with tears and snot, his skin was a blotchy red, and his eyes were painfully puffy. Dark, colorful bruises bloomed across his forehead as reminders of failure, helplessness, and the countless times he had cried in desperation and smashed his head against the division.

Rei could only imagine how he looked himself. The same, maybe. Probably worse.

The blond had his fists pressed up on the separation, and he struck it once in a while despite the futility of his actions.

“Rei-chan… Rei-chan, Rei-chan….”

His name kept echoing itself in soft, wispy whispers which barely managed to cross the barrier to Rei.

They were both tired. Neither of them could remember how long it had been since they found themselves like this, but they were exhausted.

Rei was crying again—too, because, in reality, neither of them really _stopped_.

“It’s okay,” he said once more, not really sure if he was trying to lie to Nagisa or himself. “Nagisa, it’ll be alright. Next time,” he choked on his words as his dry throat refused to let him speak, “Next time, we’ll find each other again.”

A sob wracked Nagisa’s body. “No,” he croaked out. “Not if it’ll just be like this in the end….” His voice trembled and shattered into hiccups and whimpers as he hit the wall again.

“Hey,” he called out softly, hoping to bring up Nagisa’s face again. “Look at me. Nagisa—look at me. Please.”

Nagisa shook his head and curled in tighter on himself. Rei shrank down to match his level. He pressed his open palms on the surface where Nagisa’s fists had slid down to. If he imagined hard enough, he could feel the shorter man’s warmth against his hands.

“Please…” he said again, working his throat into a motion which mocked swallowing. There was nothing to swallow, and his mouth was bone dry.

“Don’t be like this. I know you’re not someone who gives up so easily.” He clenched his eyes shut. “Right?”

Instead of answering him, Nagisa only cried more. Rei didn’t blame him. He was out of words and hope too.

“Nagisa?” he asked with the remainder of his voice. He leaned his forehead against the cold surface of the transparent wall, right where Nagisa was at. “I love you, Nagisa.”

At the phrase, Nagisa finally looked up and screamed loudly. He struck the wall violently, but Rei felt nothing on his side.

“Rei! _Rei_!”

He smiled, happy that he was finally able to see Nagisa’s eyes again.

“It’s okay, Nagisa,” Rei said. “We’ll find each other again.”

Nagisa sucked in a sharp breath.

 

* * *

 

 

**018\. Practicality**

The cot was hard, uncomfortable, and squeaked too much but it was better than the concrete floor, and that was about as much as the two of them cared about at the moment.

Nagisa’s pants and boxers were shoved on the floor and his shirt was pushed up just far enough on his chest to show his nipples. Rei had barely pulled his undergarments down enough to have his cock out. They were fucking hard with nothing but release on their minds.

The blond was dragging his blunt nails down Rei’s arm and grunting between quick breaths. He squeezed down hard and growled.

“More,” he gritted out, eyes clenched. “Harder!”

Rei pulled back his hips and pushed forward harshly, his cock going in deep before pulling out again. He rolled his hips in tight, contained circles against Nagisa.

They had applied just enough lubricant to make sure nothing would tear, but the friction was still raw and hot. Each push and pull burned both of them and sent them skittering on the edge of pain and pleasure.

Precum and lube squelched between them in a manner which could only be described as disgusting, but Nagisa only laughed coarsely and shoved his hips up harder to get Rei to fuck him deeper. Whenever the thick head of the taller man’s cock rubbed against the deepest parts of him, a knot in his throat burned, and he had to dig his fingers into the rough blanket beneath him and pretend the tears at the edges of his eyes were because of the pain.

There was no finesse in this, no loving words or sweet glances. It was fast and to the point, practical in every sense of the word.

It was hot, slick, and animalistic, but it was what both of them needed.

Nagisa moved his hand down to his cock, stroked himself a few times, and came with a short cry which he bit off almost immediately. His entire body stiffened. White splattered on his stomach and chest while Rei continued to thrust into him. Quickly afterwards, Rei drew out and started jerking off as well. It didn’t take long before he shot out his cum onto Nagisa with a grunt and added to the mess.

The pleasure was simple and white hot beneath their eyelids.

It was over in seconds.

Rei braced his hand against Nagisa’s bent knee for a moment before removing it. He backed up to tuck himself back into his pants, grimacing slightly at how soft and sensitive he had gotten. He sat on the edge of the narrow cot and ran his clean hand through his hair in order to look a bit more presentable and less fucked, despite the fact that the ruddiness in their cheeks and the reek of sex and cum would have given them both away immediately.

The blond picked up some clothes from the floor to wipe the semen and lube off himself before sitting up. He found his underwear and pants, jammed them back on, and stood up hastily. For a second, he wavered from getting violently pounded moments earlier, but he ground his teeth and shook it off. Some cum had stained the edge of his shirt, but he tucked it into his pants without a second glance.

Both of them rolled their shoulders to pop kinks and cramps from their body as they shoved their heavy boots back on. Nagisa opened the lock-less, metal door and the two of them strolled back into the noisy atmosphere of the training camp.

They didn’t speak to each other as they separated and blended in with the crowd. Everyone around them was yelling loudly and trying to reach the right own stations.

In a place like this, there was no room for words or romance.

 

* * *

 

 

**019\. Fade**

His head throbbed and hurt.

It was dehydration which made his mind pound, and the steady tears which kept slipping down his cheeks were not helping at all. He would have liked to stop but the more he sat there, the more tears which came out.

Breathing had become nothing more than a joke a long time ago when both his nostrils stuffed up with mucus and he had to resort to opening his mouth in order not to suffocate. His chest hurt too, but he was sure it wasn’t cardiac arrest. Pretty sure it wasn’t.

He drew a shaky breath in and tried not to make too much noise. In the end, he ended up gasping softly and had to swallow it. His fists were tight in his lap, and the remnants of a tissue were clutched between his fingers. It was long past its usefulness.

His entire being ached.

Behind him, soft footsteps entered the room, but he didn’t turn around. A hand touched him on the shoulder comfortingly, but he only clenched his eyes harder and swallowed.

The chair next to him creaked softly as his partner sat down and wrapped his arm around his shoulders in a gesture of protection.

They hugged properly after a second with stiff fingers and sweaty palms. It was too warm, borderline boiling hot because the breaths coming from his mouth were tainted with emotions and his cheeks were swollen with wetness. It was uncomfortable and painful, but neither of them drew away.

It was in that moment that he felt like something should be said.

Silence joined their embrace, and he sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been feeling kind of ambivalent lately. Anyway, I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/brumalbreeze) if anyone wants me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on [Tumblr](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/post/96648823243/sleep-chapter-9-rei-nagisa).
> 
> My commissions are still open. For more information, [please see here](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/commissions).

**020.** **Reel**

“Impossible. In the first place, if we take a more logical stance and examine the situation from a humanitarian and environmental perspective, it would be clear that their proposed solution would only place _more_ strain on surrounding areas as well as its flora and fauna. In fact, according to two different scientific journals I consulted the other day—”

“Rei-chan.” After staying quiet for a long time, Nagisa finally spoke up.

Immediately, the taller man stopped speaking and looked to his side.

“Yes, Nagisa-kun?” His face was red from the cold, but his eyes were warm as he looked over to his boyfriend.  Nagisa was smiling at him widely, and Rei immediately knew something was up.

Nagisa’s gloved hand speeding toward his face was the last clear thing Rei saw before his glasses were snatched away. It was with a cheerful squeal that Nagisa fled, Rei’s red frames securely tucked in his palm.

Without his corrective lenses, the world became a blur of shadows and vague shapes which seemed neither here nor there. Rei yelled and squinted, and then he started to run after the colorful blob which he could distinctly recognize as Nagisa.

“Nagisa-kun! Give me back my glasses! I can’t see anything, and this is dangerous!” he called out, moving as quickly as his winter clothing would allow him. He knew better than to believe his boyfriend would actually trot back and return his frames, but it was better than saying nothing.

It was late and dark, but at the very least, Rei thought as he stumbled across the courtyard, there was no snow. Otherwise, imminent death was the only thing which awaited him as he chased Nagisa down.

Whether it was out of pity or magnanimity, he wasn’t sure, but eventually Nagisa slowed down enough for him to grab him from behind and wrap his arms around him.

He could feel Nagisa’s laughter against his chest and, despite being upset that his glasses had been stolen in the first place, Rei smiled. Both of them were warm from the short exercise session. Nagisa felt good in his arms, and Rei couldn’t help but forgive his boyfriend right away.

When the blond started to squirm, he loosened his hold so that Nagisa could turn around. Since they were closer, Rei could see the shorter man more clearly, though everything else was still fuzzy to him. It was obvious that Nagisa was smiling widely though.

“Hi, Rei-chan,” he giggled with his hands tucked in front of him.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei replied mock-sternly.

Nagisa carefully replaced the glasses on his face and tucked them behind his ears. Rei blinked a few times.

“There,” the blond said with admiring eyes. “Perfect.”

Rei hummed dubiously but the smile he had been holding back slipped out, and he leaned down. Automatically, Nagisa tilted his chin up, and they kissed softly. They parted shortly afterwards.

“Were you even listening to me?” the taller man asked, squeezing his arms tightly around Nagisa’s waist.

“Of course!” Nagisa replied happily. “You were explaining to me why the plans for building a tidal energy generator on the north side of town might be a bad idea, since it might mess with the marine ecosystem there. And then you were gonna tell me about the two journal papers you read which helped support your argument which, if I remember correctly, also talked about how the designated area doesn’t show much promise for high energy yield in the first place!”

Warmth and pride swelled in Rei’s chest as Nagisa perfectly recounted the contents of their conversation. Overtaken by emotion, Rei kissed his boyfriend hard, earning him a cheerful giggle and enthusiastic response.

“Just testing you,” Rei said as he leaned his forehead against Nagisa’s.

The golden-haired man hummed as if not quite believing him. “Mmn, well, in that case, did I pass?”

Rei kissed his cheek with a smile. “With flying colors. And as a reward, let’s go home and I’ll make us some hot chocolate.”

Nagisa hugged him hard and buried his face into Rei’s scarf. “Yay!” he cheered with a muffled voice. “Let’s make it from scratch!”

“But of course,” the taller man replied with a smile.

The two of them walked back home, their breaths floating above them like suspended speech bubbles that dissipated almost immediately after the words were said.

 

* * *

 

**021\. Continuity Error**

“Nagisa-kun….”

“Shh, Rei-chan....”

Rei swallowed dryly. His shoulder blades were pressed up hard against the wall behind him, and a trail of sweat was going down the side of his face. It was hot. Heat burned under his skin and made his cheeks itch with embarrassment, but there was nothing he could do. There was nowhere else to back up to and running away was not really an option.

Desperately, he tilted his face up and tried to put some much-needed distance between Nagisa and himself, but it was to no avail. All the shorter boy did was move closer until they could feel each other’s heat through their clothing.

Rei felt dizzy.

“No one’ll come if we stay quiet, okay?” Nagisa breathed across his pulse with a devilish smile.

Nagisa’s knee, which had been brushing up against his thighs, finally nudged between Rei’s legs. Unable to help himself, he groaned and shook.

“Rei-chan,” the blond whined, his voice lilting with a childish pout that didn’t fit the situation at all, “I just told you we had to be quiet!”

Angrily, Rei whispered under his breath, “You’re doing this on purpose!”

Nagisa drew back just enough to look up at him with wide, innocent eyes. “On purpose? No way!” He pecked Rei on the lips, never minding the fact that the taller man was too angry to appreciate it. “Why would you accuse me of such a thing?”

A cry of surprise and pleasure made Rei’s voice crack when Nagisa boldly pressed his hand over his hardening cock and squeezed. The beginning of a hiss slipped past Rei’s lips, but the sound of shoes on gravel made him clam up immediately.

“Weren’t we supposed to use the formula we learned to solve that problem?”

“Yeah, I guess. But if you looked at it again, you could have just solved it by dividing everything at the end.”

“No way! And I totally thought I got that one right!”

Rei and Nagisa froze and held their breaths as two students walked past the building they were hiding behind. It had only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. The fear of getting caught made Rei feel even hotter.

Finally, the voices faded away, and they were alone again. Nagisa’s hand rubbed against him again.

“Wow, Rei-chan, you got even bigger from that. I didn’t know you were such a pervert....” Nagisa raised his eyebrows.

He was about to issue a complaint but before he had a chance, Nagisa had shoved his tongue into his mouth and pressed their bodies together. Rei was going to have to find a way to get even with Nagisa, but for now, he had to concentrate on not getting eaten alive by his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/brumalbreeze) if you need me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten tired of how gross my porn fics are, so here's something that's softer and prettier. But still porn.
> 
> This is part of a loose series. The other stories which follow this theme are (chronologically) [_Terms of Affection_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3194621), [_Conversation at Half-Past Four_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1130529), _Sleep: Cotton Candy_ , and [_Paradigm of Aesthetics_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1058385).
> 
> (My commissions are still open. For more information [please see here](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/commissions).)
> 
> Also on [Tumblr](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/post/100732485338/sleep-chapter-10-rei-nagisa-nsfw).

**022\. Cotton Candy**

They were soft. So soft, so light; open-mouthed and breathless, faint in the half-darkness of the room.

Nagisa’s fingers were in his hair, on his shoulder and neck, a little desperate and clingy but sweet all the same.

Rei licked him again, his lips moving familiarly over the smooth skin of the shorter boy’s cock. It was easy to kiss it, since it was so wet and slick with saliva and precum. One of his hands rested on Nagisa’s thigh while the other caressed his balls gently. Nagisa let out another feathery moan and tightened his hand in his hair.

With another soft kiss, Rei pulled away and looked up. “Good?” he asked quietly, squeezing his boyfriend’s warm thigh.

Nagisa smiled and bit his lower lip before nodding wordlessly. His breaths became slower and deeper once Rei stopped touching him, but the spark of arousal and heat in his eyes remained. Warmed by how happy the blond looked, Rei smiled too and ducked back down.

He trailed his lips tenderly on the ticklish parts of Nagisa’s inner thighs, careful to keep the contact firm. Once or twice, the blond let out a breathy giggle and wriggled, making Rei chuckle as well. The taller boy rubbed and kissed him sensually, turning his boyfriend’s laughs into appreciative groans.

Slowly, he mouthed at the base of Nagisa’s length and licked up it wetly. Above him, he heard the shorter boy suck in a deep, shuddering breath. Rei drew away when Nagisa shifted on his pillow to get more comfortable. Once his boyfriend was settled, he pressed his mouth on him again.

The entire time, Nagisa sighed and moaned, his strong muscles tightening beneath his palm whenever the pleasure was too much. He dug his toes into the sheets, and Rei was pleased to know that he was making his boyfriend feel so good. Occasionally, Rei peeked up at Nagisa.

Even in the scarce lighting, Rei could clearly see how bright Nagisa’s eyes were as he peered at him. His cheeks were pink, and a light layer of sweat shone on him. Curly clumps of hair stuck against his neck and forehead, adding to the ravaged look Nagisa had going on.

In their haste to get him undressed, Nagisa had been left pants- and boxer-less, but he still had his school shirt on. All the buttons had been undone, so it hung open loosely to reveal his heaving stomach and chest. Whenever Nagisa moved, the fabric would shy away to reveal glimpses of his dark nipples.

He took the blond into his mouth and swallowed half of him, and Nagisa threw his head back and twisted his neck in pleasure. His fluffy hair rubbed against the wall and his swollen lips fell open.

“Rei-chan…” he murmured breathily, his hips rising ever-so-slightly from his cushion.

Slowly, he sucked and stroked his tongue on the underside of the hardness in his mouth. A comfortable heat settled in him when Nagisa cried out quietly and squirmed. Rei worked a little faster.

The shorter boy whispered his name again and took his hand away from Rei’s neck. It trailed up his stomach, past his chest, and up to his mouth. Nagisa started to rub it with his fingers and hummed. In the faint light of the room, Nagisa’s lips shone with saliva and the sight of his slim digits stroking against them was extremely sensual and erotic.

Rei breathed in deeply and sank down on his boyfriend as far as he could go. His throat muscles worked around Nagisa until he was at his limit. Carefully, he kept swallowing while trying to get accustomed to the fullness in his mouth. He rubbed at Nagisa’s thigh and hips idly while he got ready.

His boyfriend dug his fingers into his hair harder and groaned appreciatively. Rei felt Nagisa’s cock twitch in his mouth, and bitter slickness coated his throat.

Shakily, Nagisa removed his hand from Rei’s head and touched himself on the chest. While softly biting and kissing his own fingers, Nagisa started to pinch and rub at his nipples with his other hand. His thighs trembled slightly.

The taller boy focused on sucking and licking according to how his boyfriend was moaning or gasping. He pulled off after a while and started stroking Nagisa firmly. His palm and fingers became wet as it slid against Nagisa’s hot skin. In quick succession, Rei kissed the tip several times, letting the clearness coat his lips. He licked it off his mouth and went back to sucking the head gently. Nagisa was especially sensitive there, so Rei thoroughly enjoyed teasing him.

Nagisa let out a low moan and bucked up. “Rei-chan, please,” he said under his breath. His voice had gone scratchy and dry from all his gasping. He gazed at the taller boy with soft greed and want.

“Okay,” he whispered and pushed up his glasses, enamored by how flushed the blond’s face and chest had become. Nagisa practically glowed with pleasure. His heart swelled at the sight.

At the same time Rei took him into his mouth almost all the way, Nagisa pressed his fingers urgently against his lips and stifled his cry into a high whine. His back arched from the wall when the taller boy started to move up and down on him quickly.

Rei’s face felt hot as he worked faster to bring Nagisa to completion. The bitterness of Nagisa’s excitement grew stronger in his mouth, which encouraged him. He stroked what he couldn’t suck and bobbed his head urgently. Rei flicked his tongue over the tip of Nagisa’s cock and licked up all the wetness which came from there. Carefully, he rubbed his thumb along the flared head of the shorter boy’s length and hummed.

The muffled noises coming from Nagisa were growing louder, and he was squirming with a stronger intensity than before. The bed sheets rustled beneath Nagisa’s slipping heels, and he had gone back to gripping Rei on the shoulder again. His other hand was still pressed hard on his mouth.

Between his fingers, Nagisa gasped out, “Rei-chan—Rei…!” and the taller boy swallowed him whole.

Nagisa’s body jerked up, and his fingers dug into his boyfriend’s shoulder. His muscles seized, and he let out a long cry.

Rei hardly remembered to breathe as he swallowed what spilled into his mouth. He felt Nagisa’s thighs quiver as he released his pleasure in him. He moaned to amplify the sensations for his boyfriend and subtly moved his mouth on him the entire time.

Halfway through his orgasm, Nagisa started gasping out brokenly. “Ah—Rei-chan… Oh god, oh god…!”

He sucked hard a few more times, and then the blond was done. For a still second, neither of them moved. But then, Nagisa slumped down on the bed and pillow, and he released his death grip on Rei.

After another moment, Rei slowly pulled off the shorter boy and sat back.

Nagisa leaned bonelessly against the wall with a dazed look on his face. His breath was still erratic, but when he looked up and caught Rei watching him, he smiled. “Hi,” he said sillily. His face and lips were flushed with post-orgasmic pleasure.

Rei laughed quietly and leaned down to press their foreheads together. “Hello.” He kissed Nagisa briefly on the mouth. “Was that good?”

When he tried to pull away, the blond looped his arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Nagisa smiled against his lips. “Super good,” he replied. He giggled softly and tugged him closer. “You’re the best, Rei-chan.”

The taller boy laughed and nudged their noses together. He shifted on his knees so that they could hug more comfortably.

“… Love you,” Nagisa breathed quietly against his neck.

Rei kissed the side of his head softly. “I love you too…”

Nagisa settled happily into his arms, and the two of them listened to each other’s heartbeats for the rest of the night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss RinTori so much, I whisper in a loud undertone as I furiously make more headcanons for Reigisa....
> 
> (My commissions are still open. For more information [please see here](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/commissions).)
> 
> Also on [Tumblr](http://algidwind.tumblr.com/post/142329254083/sleep-chapter-11-reinagisa).

**023\. Quiet**

There comes a day when Rei becomes fed up with how carefree and careless Nagisa is, and the two of them get into a big fight.

Rei’s voice is raised, and he’s listing out so many things, like how Nagisa is always shrugging things off and not caring about the consequences of his hasty decisions. But he’s fed up and done, and he wants Nagisa to treat things more seriously.

And Nagisa is stunned as he stands there and listens, never having known how stressed Rei's been, because he's always assumed Rei was joking whenever he scolded him. He’s stunned and sorry when Rei begins to cry out of frustration, because that’s when it all finally hits him.

Rei is breathing hard when he says that he needs some space. And then, he walks out of their apartment.

The door shuts loudly, but not because Rei slammed it. It’s merely a heavy door. That doesn’t make Nagisa feel any better though. The sound of it is still accusatory and angry.

Nagisa sits on their couch for about an hour, mulling over everything, and he realizes what he's not been doing right. He cries a bit, fiddles with his phone, and wonders who he should call. Or if he should call anyone at all.

At the end of the hour, he decides not to and gets up. He falters for a second because this might not be his most fool-proof plan—but since when has he ever had any fool-proof plans? He's always just let things happen the way they were wont to—but he goes out anyway. Without forgetting to turn off the lights and lock the door.

There's a park near their place, a pretty area he and Rei have been to plenty of times for strolls or jogging. It's quiet and well-lit, and there are benches all around for people to sit at. But there’s no one there, since it’s late.

He knows where to look, theoretically, and he hopes his guess is right.

He is.

Nagisa finds Rei sitting in the back of the park, in a corner that is more private and hidden. They had found it the first week they moved in and unofficially adopted the bench there as their own.

Rei hears him before he sees him, and Nagisa can see his shoulders tensing as he approaches. Of course he's memorized the sound of Nagisa's gait.

His voice cracks when he asks if he could sit down on the bench Rei is hunched over, and he's a little relieved (but mainly anxious) when Rei nods, barely.

So he sits. And they are like that for a heavy minute. They sit farther apart than they usually would, but that is fine. They need the space.

After that minute, Rei takes in a deep breath, but Nagisa panics and beats him to it. He blurts out that he’s sorry and accidentally swallows some air in his haste.

And then he apologizes for everything else. For not caring enough and hand-waving everything off (because it was so much easier to not worry about the consequences) and for not realizing how much of a burden he's put on Rei because of that. Nagisa apologizes because he should have known better, but he didn’t even take Rei’s scolding seriously enough. It had always been like that since high school, so he thought…. But he was wrong, and he's sorry. And he doesn't know if he'll be able to change right away, but he'll try, and it'd be... it'd be good if Rei could be patient with him. Please. And sorry.

Nagisa’s voice had sort of wobbled the entire time; he's always been bad with not crying when it counts, but he hopes Rei understood what he said. He kind of picks at his fingers while he waits.

Rei sighs. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it, and Nagisa knows he's thinking hard.

Then he says sorry too, for raising his voice earlier and storming out. He hadn't meant to lose his temper like that. But it had been so long—he pauses and says thoughtfully—years? Years, he decides, that they've been together, and it's been wearing down on him.

Not that Nagisa has been burdensome all along, but there were just tiny things that built up over time until he couldn't handle it anymore.

He knows he's taken up the responsibility for most of the things around their apartment and lives, but when it comes to joint decisions—or even small things like switching soap brands or something—he wishes Nagisa would do something more than flipping a coin or closing his eyes and gleefully choosing whatever his finger lands on.

In a way, Rei confesses, it's kind of liberating not to worry about everything. Goodness knows he worries too much already, he laughs, and Nagisa chews his lip in the meanwhile.

So Rei guesses that they're kind of a good balance in that sense. He worries too much, and Nagisa doesn't worry at all. If they merged into one person—Rei furrows his brows and makes a vague molding action with his hands, and Nagisa is fascinated by this—they'd be the perfect person.

Maybe, Rei tacks on, because he's never 100% sure of himself, but only ever 99.9%. 

Rei clasps his hands in front of him, elbows hard on his bent knees, and feet firm on the ground. He sighs. He's sorry.

Nagisa slides on the park bench until their sides are flushed and puts his hand on top of Rei's laced fingers. He's sorry too, he says as he leans his head on Rei's shoulder. He's sorry too.

Eventually, Rei opens up his hands, and he takes Nagisa's into his own. His grip on Nagisa is firm but not deathly strong, and he squeezes Nagisa in a comforting way. Nagisa squeezes back.

Nagisa will be helping him with balancing the next month’s bills, Rei mutters decisively, and his voice is warm and thoughtful.

The contrast between his tone and the content of Rei’s words makes Nagisa laugh. Okay, he answers after he settles down.

And the lunch and dinner schedules for next week, Rei adds.

Okay, Nagisa agrees.

And they should start thinking about their next trip to see Haruka and Makoto, since it's been a while, Rei says off-handedly.

Nagisa nods. Okay, he replies a third time, and now, he's all smiles again. Kind of tired from all the crying, but still smiling. 

Also, Rei says, he's been thinking about making a schedule for when they should change out the kitchen sponges and their toothbrushes, but here, Nagisa waves his free hand around and says no, no they don't need to schedule their lives that much in detail.

Rei goes quiet and Nagisa can hear his smile in his next response.

Okay, Rei says.

And that's a start.

That's a good start.


End file.
